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Friday, April 4, 2014

Life changes in a blink

I read somewhere that 'Life is what happens when you're busy making plans', but then again, nothing can happen unless you have a plan of action to begin with.

It's a bit of a contradiction really. Focused, new-age individuals will tell you that a proper plan and positive thinking will help put things in priority and then, almost like magic, good things will come your way, you will 'attract' everything you need for yourself and you will live happily ever after.

Like magic. Poof!

I'm not too sure if I ever believed in that, the whole law of attraction thing. Maybe I'm a bit of a pessimist, but I just honestly thought that hard work was the key, then the good opportunities will come your way when the time is right, when you've earned it, and you could make the most of it.

I honestly thought the messy part of life, that part could be avoided, once I had a good idea how to manoeuvre around the mess. My plan you see, was preparation.

But I was wrong, because in the midst of making plans for my life, I got sick.

And just like that, all my plans were thrown out the window of my life.

In the aftermath of my cancer surgery, my mom started getting sick. And now, in a matter of months, my life has changed almost completely. What I once knew is no more, I'm not sure if it will ever come back - my old life, the way it was, it disappeared from me like a thief in the night.

One day I was fine, next day I had cancer. One day my mom was healthy, next day she was in chronic pain.

All I can do now, is hold on to what was there before and pretend to carry on as if nothing happened. Pretend to live my life as normal as can be.

Everything is just a passing phase, that I know. But I'm not particularly fond of this phase of my life. Without warning it came. It landed on me while I was minding my own business. Without regard, respect or kindness.

That's life I guess, take the good with the bad. Turn lemons into lemonade.

To say that it is a stressful time is an understatement.

But one thing's for certain, my life changed for the worse. At least for now.

I am trying to find the reason for all this, the silver lining, the lesson that life is trying to teach me, but I just simply cannot.

This is the part of life I wish I could get a refund on, or an exchange voucher or something. If this part of my life was a movie, I would fast-foward to the good part, just to see how it would eventually make sense.

For now, it doesn't make any sense at all.

Now, all I can see are the aftershocks from the earthquake that stole my old life.

And it changed in a blink.

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