Saturday, April 29, 2017

Dancing on the quicksand

Sometimes life seems to spiral out of control and no matter what you do, you can't seem to get the hang of it.

Things just come from all sides - financial woes, job loss, illness and death of family and friends. The minute you recover from one thing you get hit with something else. It's almost as if you're cursed. It's almost as if somebody really big out there hates you and is throwing a shit-storm your way.

Of course as if to make matters more damning, anything you try seems to only work a little bit, or worse yet, fail outright. And you look around and other people are getting ahead just fine, but you are just seeing hell.

Oh sure, you can blame the economy, you can blame a number of things on circumstance and mere coincidence. You can blame yourself for not having enough foresight, hindsight, sheer common sense and intuition. But what good is that doing? Can any of that turn back the clock? Save you the painful experience?

Did you think you were somehow immune to the crappy part of life? Did you think that bad things happened to other people but not you? Did you think about how you could not even imagine any of this nonsense happening but it is indeed in fact, happening?

Do you think maybe you should leave it in the hands of God and forget about it only for something else to compound matters and bring you right back to the #1 square?

How much do you blame yourself? How much do you blame others?

Just how much of this has affected you physically? Mentally? How much of this has been imbedded in your subconscious? How has your sleep been affected?

Is this a spiritual battle? Are evil spirits lurking around just waiting to devour a weak version of yourself?

What is really the truth behind the entire situation? And more importantly, when will all of this end?

So what do you do? Stop trying? Give up? Roll over and play dead and hope that whatever this is, will eventually, somehow, magically pass?

The question is still waiting to be answered. The script is still being written.

So far the other side is still winning, confusion reigns supreme.

But our protagonist is hanging on tooth and nail.

Monday, April 24, 2017

Early on a morning

Early on a morning, a few days a week now, I find myself awake before my 5AM alarm goes off.

Strange but it's always the same time - 4.45AM.

I get up, shave, grab a quick shower and head out the door to a place I've seldom gone to before on a weekday.

In the past, I have woken up early to practice guitar before the sun comes up, or to read, or to cook.

But then I also go through phases where I cannot get up when my alarm goes off, I figure that's when my mind is too tired to function and I really do need sleep.

However, nowadays I'm getting up early to head to morning mass.

Before the dawn breaks is really the best time of day in my opinion. The world is still half asleep and for a brief moment, everything looks peaceful and pristine. The sun comes up over the mountains and the air is cool and smooth.

I never really thought about morning mass before, I always saw myself as a devout catholic, but a former girlfriend recommended I try going, to start the day off on a good note. And she was absolutely right.

I can honestly say that after a few weeks of going to morning mass at 5.45AM, it is the best way to begin a new day. I almost feel as if I'm going to visit an old friend at his place, that thought popped in my head last week - I'm going to see my best friend Jesus at his house, just for a half an hour.

In all sincerity, my mind does drift sometimes during the mass, but most times I'm either asking/thanking God for something.

I feel different - more at peace, and I can't describe it, because I don't think I ever felt this way before.  Maybe this is the peace that the world cannot give? Maybe that's been missing in my life.

I know now that whatever comes my way, that God is in charge, and that Jesus is with me and is riding all my storms out with me.

Thank you my dear friend Jesus.