Sunday, June 22, 2014

The life you knew and the one you wished for

I remember back in 2001 when I was engaged, finishing my undergraduate and working in a stable company and feeling almost absolutely unfulfilled in my life.

Now, thirteen years later, I am single, without a 'regular' stable job and other than the want of a consistent 'salary', I am living the life I dreamed of one day having but didn't know how to get it.

I am a travelling musician, with no place to call my own. I am a guitar teacher without a mortgage, no wife and kids (and perhaps that is the only thing missing) and a modest list of responsibilities.

It may seem careless, but truth be told I have the world of worries.

I sometimes look in the mirror and wonder who am I? Where and how did it all change? Would I, could I change back to a 'normal' life? What about certain milestones that people should attain by 40? I don't have those achievements. What would/do my colleagues think? Some of them have done so much better than me financially.  Knowing what I know now, would I have made the decisions back then?

And the answer is yes, I wouldn't change a thing. All the experiences I've had since 2002 to now have been an adventure beyond my wildest dreams.

I was so unhappy in 2001 that I did what I could to make my life better, albeit not more secure.

But maybe security is overrated.

The trick now is making the dream be able to sustain itself, so I can carry on living this crazy, unpredictable, fulfilling life. The kind of life that only happens from being in the arts.

Do I wish I had a more normal life with a more simple schedule? Sure. Do I wish for stability? You bet.

Do I see myself meeting and one day marrying a lovely, kind gal who would understand (within reason) this umm, 'usual' way of existence? Yes. Hopefully.

Anything is possible in this life. I know that now, anything truly is.

I sometimes look back on my life and think 'wow! I was once there wandering around lost and unhappy, and now here I am!'

It's like living two lives.

What an amazing thing. This life.