For all the musicians who have left us

Many, many musicians have left us over the last few years, both internationally and at a local level here in Trinidad.

Some were close, close friends. Some deaths were natural, some were suicides.

The hardest part about losing someone close to you is that you never have a chance to properly say goodbye, especially when it's sudden. But then again, saying 'last goodbyes' is not something anyone does well.

And I don't think anyone plans their 'last goodbye speech'.

Every death, whether of a musician friend or an artist I admire has left a void in my life. And I naively thought that these people were going to be in my life for a long, long time.

And I know that I have been putting a benefit concert on hold for a long time now, the one for my oldest friend who died suddenly two years ago. And honestly, I know that it must be done, but emotionally, I'm not at that point where I can give it my best.

When you spend so many years with someone playing music and they're not there anymore, even though you're not in a band, it just feels so strange to continue playing the music you made together. It just brings back too many bittersweet memories.

Everything comes rushing back, almost as if on memory overload.

But I know I have to do it sooner or later. I know that I will have to put aside the pain and play the music of my teenage years.

But in the meantime, I'm brushing up my chops, practicing as often as I can and enjoying music in my own space.

And for all those who have left this life, thank you so much for your music.

Safe travels to the next life - Andrew Moffat, George Elias, Justin Lee, Marc Thavenot, Layne Staley, Chris Cornell, Scott Weiland, Colonel Bruce Hampton, Greg Allman, Prince, David Bowie, Dimebag Darrell, Vinnie Paul, Good Downie.

May each and every one of you rest in peace.

Zan - the final post for the A to Z Challenge

So it's a made-up word.

It was 1990, the height of Warhead's short career, Corey Wallace had made up this word - 'Zan'. Out of nowhere.

It really stood for anything, and we started using it in sentences - it was a noun, verb, adverb, pronoun, present participle, you name it.

Zan was it. A versatile word that fit every occasion.

And best of all, it was all ours.

Only we knew what it meant. It was code. Our code.

Andrew Moffat, Nick Nathaniel, Mark Dopson, Corey Wallace and myself - Cesco Emmanuel.

We were so young and naive, with no clue what life held in store, but we were playing heavy music, sometimes we loved it, sometimes we hated it. We were seeing other parts of the country. We played in some really messed up hell holes, hardly any money, terrible sound, one occasion I got electrocuted while performing.

But hey, we had fun didn't we?

Yes indeed, we zanned it.

Those were the days.

I hope to never forget those great, young, innocent 'Warhead' times.