Disappointment and the Headless Chickens

I remember reading in the bible that if you put your trust in man, you will always be disappointed. Put your trust in God, and he will never fail you. Everyone will disappoint you - family, friends, loved ones. Even the ones you don't expect.

A friend of mine keeps on saying that he is in the fight of his life and nobody seems to care. It's hard to hear when he says that because people do genuinely care, it's just that sometimes they don't know how to help.

Somedays I myself feel as if I am in the fight of my life. Fight to make ends meet, fight to stay positive and keep on sending out those resumes for that 'perfect job', fight to keep on practicing guitar although most days I keep on hearing those voices in my head saying that I will never get better at certain flaws in my playing - an old high-school friend of mine, another great guitarist told me that we have technically missed the boat, that we should have been wood-shedding in our teens, not in our forties, that it is too late to master the guitar.

Maybe it's the stubborn side of me, but I'm still trying to perfect the guitar.

Trying to fail or failing to try?

But it is hard to keep trying when there's no sign of improvement, when there's no blue skies on the horizon. It's hard when you almost seem to run out of options. When you keep on trying different things but the end result is always the same - failure, no vacancy, no work, nothing.

I wonder if most people feel like headless chickens? Just going through the day. wishing they could get a better pay or even a decent job but they don't know where to start? Knowing that they have potential but they don't know how to realize it. I wonder if most people are bitter because they too, tried so hard but fell flat on their face many a time. I often wonder if the average person is just going through the motions of life, wishing for something better, but with no real clue of how to get to that better place.

I know the old saying, 'You only fail when you stop trying'.

But I tell you my dear reader, it is truly hard to keeping trying after multiple failures, and I do think it's only natural to want to just give up and just be satisfied with just 'existing'.

Maybe that's whom most people are anyway - just disappointed headless chickens that have lost the fight and are fed up getting back in the ring.

'The act of a noble warrior, who lost the will to fight' - 'The Pass' by RUSH.

Aware

Are you aware? Do you feel when things shift in your personal atmosphere or are you asleep?

Clueless?

I've heard there's varying degrees of awareness, that most of us are still asleep. Some of us are waking up, others are fully cognizant of what they're doing and what impact their words and actions have on themselves and others.

And yet others have no clue at all that any of this 'mindful stuff' even exists. Everything is completely out of control for them and they're just reacting to it all.

I'd like to think that I'm somewhere on the 'upper-in-between' level.

Not quite there yet, still a bit reactionary but better at keeping things together.

I don't really meditate that much, I often fall asleep you see while that's happening. But, what I have been doing is observing more, biting my tongue in most cases unless it is absolutely necessary to say something. Observing my reactions and questioning why do I 'do that'? And so far it's been a very interesting discovery.

I believe when you show people what irks you, then they only do that very thing even more to annoy you. It's the messed up part of human nature that I will never understand, that sadistic part in all of us that gets a kick out of hurting someone.

It's all ego you see. When my ego is hurt, I will defend myself at all costs, even if it means hurting you in return.

But I've also realized something about myself - whenever I'm hurt or offended I cower inside, I retreat. In the past I would just stay there, nowadays I reflect and see what's hurting me and then I try my best to let it go.

If it's a friend who has said something unkind then I leave them alone for a bit. If it's an uncomfortable situation I just let it be for a while. I find other things to occupy my time, I'm quite good at finding stuff to do. I think everyone should be aware of how their words and actions impact on people. In doing so, more often that not the situation rectifies itself. In some cases, the wrong party realizes their mistakes and apologizes.

So I do think that we all can make an effort to be more aware of how our actions and words affect those around us. It's not impossible, for some that is.

For many unfortunately, I don't that will ever happen. Most people have a clueless, expectant attitude that it's their right to be blunt, sarcastic and abrasive.

To me however, that could never be right.

I believe in diplomacy.

Something unfortunately, many people including some of my friends, lack.