My dad died last October.
I was 40 when he passed away. He died from a number of complications after rupturing his gallbladder. I told him goodbye and prayed and cried over him on that final morning. I didn't stay to see his final moment because I just couldn't bear the thought of seeing him go. It is something I will forever regret.
My life has not been the same. First the shock of it all, then all the changes and finally the emptiness of not having him around.
For the first time in my life, I feel like an adult. Sure sounds absurd doesn't it?
I'm 41 and I suddenly feel like an adult. I, all of a sudden feel the burden of responsibility.
Responsibilities that I never knew existed, because my dad took care of almost everything. He was that kind of guy. He put himself last, he did everything for his family, and I naively always took it for granted. I always appreciated what he did, I just didn't realize just how much work being man of the house entailed.
Not that I thought I was a kid all this time, every chance I got since the age of 18, I made sure to announce that I was a man to everyone I knew.
But I was foolishly thinking that my parents would always be around, to live my joys and sorrows with me, and I with them.
How wrong was I?
But still.
My safe haven of a life is finally over, at the age of 40.
I wonder how long it will take for life to return to some sort of 'normal' or some level of happiness? Or to even get accustomed to this?
For now, the happy part of my life, is on hold.
But I'm trying. I guess that's all I can do. But it's hard to admit it, that this era of my life is over.
I was 40 when he passed away. He died from a number of complications after rupturing his gallbladder. I told him goodbye and prayed and cried over him on that final morning. I didn't stay to see his final moment because I just couldn't bear the thought of seeing him go. It is something I will forever regret.
My life has not been the same. First the shock of it all, then all the changes and finally the emptiness of not having him around.
For the first time in my life, I feel like an adult. Sure sounds absurd doesn't it?
I'm 41 and I suddenly feel like an adult. I, all of a sudden feel the burden of responsibility.
Responsibilities that I never knew existed, because my dad took care of almost everything. He was that kind of guy. He put himself last, he did everything for his family, and I naively always took it for granted. I always appreciated what he did, I just didn't realize just how much work being man of the house entailed.
Not that I thought I was a kid all this time, every chance I got since the age of 18, I made sure to announce that I was a man to everyone I knew.
But I was foolishly thinking that my parents would always be around, to live my joys and sorrows with me, and I with them.
How wrong was I?
But still.
My safe haven of a life is finally over, at the age of 40.
I wonder how long it will take for life to return to some sort of 'normal' or some level of happiness? Or to even get accustomed to this?
For now, the happy part of my life, is on hold.
But I'm trying. I guess that's all I can do. But it's hard to admit it, that this era of my life is over.
No comments:
Post a Comment