Dancing on the quicksand

Sometimes life seems to spiral out of control and no matter what you do, you can't seem to get the hang of it.

Things just come from all sides - financial woes, job loss, illness and death of family and friends. The minute you recover from one thing you get hit with something else. It's almost as if you're cursed. It's almost as if somebody really big out there hates you and is throwing a shit-storm your way.

Of course as if to make matters more damning, anything you try seems to only work a little bit, or worse yet, fail outright. And you look around and other people are getting ahead just fine, but you are just seeing hell.

Oh sure, you can blame the economy, you can blame a number of things on circumstance and mere coincidence. You can blame yourself for not having enough foresight, hindsight, sheer common sense and intuition. But what good is that doing? Can any of that turn back the clock? Save you the painful experience?

Did you think you were somehow immune to the crappy part of life? Did you think that bad things happened to other people but not you? Did you think about how you could not even imagine any of this nonsense happening but it is indeed in fact, happening?

Do you think maybe you should leave it in the hands of God and forget about it only for something else to compound matters and bring you right back to the #1 square?

How much do you blame yourself? How much do you blame others?

Just how much of this has affected you physically? Mentally? How much of this has been imbedded in your subconscious? How has your sleep been affected?

Is this a spiritual battle? Are evil spirits lurking around just waiting to devour a weak version of yourself?

What is really the truth behind the entire situation? And more importantly, when will all of this end?

So what do you do? Stop trying? Give up? Roll over and play dead and hope that whatever this is, will eventually, somehow, magically pass?

The question is still waiting to be answered. The script is still being written.

So far the other side is still winning, confusion reigns supreme.

But our protagonist is hanging on tooth and nail.

Early on a morning

Early on a morning, a few days a week now, I find myself awake before my 5AM alarm goes off.

Strange but it's always the same time - 4.45AM.

I get up, shave, grab a quick shower and head out the door to a place I've seldom gone to before on a weekday.

In the past, I have woken up early to practice guitar before the sun comes up, or to read, or to cook.

But then I also go through phases where I cannot get up when my alarm goes off, I figure that's when my mind is too tired to function and I really do need sleep.

However, nowadays I'm getting up early to head to morning mass.

Before the dawn breaks is really the best time of day in my opinion. The world is still half asleep and for a brief moment, everything looks peaceful and pristine. The sun comes up over the mountains and the air is cool and smooth.

I never really thought about morning mass before, I always saw myself as a devout catholic, but a former girlfriend recommended I try going, to start the day off on a good note. And she was absolutely right.

I can honestly say that after a few weeks of going to morning mass at 5.45AM, it is the best way to begin a new day. I almost feel as if I'm going to visit an old friend at his place, that thought popped in my head last week - I'm going to see my best friend Jesus at his house, just for a half an hour.

In all sincerity, my mind does drift sometimes during the mass, but most times I'm either asking/thanking God for something.

I feel different - more at peace, and I can't describe it, because I don't think I ever felt this way before.  Maybe this is the peace that the world cannot give? Maybe that's been missing in my life.

I know now that whatever comes my way, that God is in charge, and that Jesus is with me and is riding all my storms out with me.

Thank you my dear friend Jesus.

The Freedom of Rock Music and everyone’s opinion in Trinidad and Tobago.

I  wrote this piece back in 1999 for my second year University class in Interpersonal Communication.

Music. Music is something that all of us take for granted. The time and effort that goes into painstakingly getting a piece of music from its initial embryonic stage as just an idea, no words, no melody, no particular musical pattern of arrangement; to its eventual transformation into something unique and recognizable as a song is really nothing short of a miracle.

Even though there are all types of music that exist in the world today, here in Trinidad and Tobago there are only few forms of music that are acknowledged as something worthy of listening to, from the point of view of the general public. For that matter especially any local form of ‘Rock” music is seriously discredited. Most people associate ‘rock or alternative’ as it is called these days with noisy guitars, screaming vocals and loud drums. While in some cases this maybe true, it is generally very stereotypical to label all bands or artists as playing the same thing. There are no two local original bands in Trinidad that sound alike. Each band has their own original ideas, some mix reggae with alternative, others mix calypso.

But now however there is a new movement in Trinidad to only get a particular type of music heard by everyone. There is a pop-rock movement, specifically designed to get these ‘pop’ bands to play only a particular type of material that appeases the masses. This particular type of music really as the name suggests, ‘popular songs on the radio,’ these songs are decided for these bands from a songlist, they are told what choices they have and how to play (e. g. no swearing etc.). Because these bands play whatever these promoters want as well as what the crowd wants, there is no room for any band that is trying to get their own original material heard, both from the point of view of pubs as well as the listening public.

The public has turned off its ears when it comes to original bands, ‘why are these bands wasting their time anyway, don’t they know, it’s the ‘pop covers’ that sells anyway’, (covers in the sense that other foreign artists’ music are copied and played or ‘covered’ by the pop bands) at least that’s what the majority say. While it is true that a person who has paid to be entertained deserves some value for money, it is unfair to say that a patron owns a band for a night based on the door fee anyway. A band should be allowed to express themselves to an extent because if a band isn’t playing at least some of their material to please themselves, then really and truly that band is not living to play music but to please people and make money, which is such a sad thing.

It is only when we open our mind to new ideas that we discover new ways of seeing and doing things. If we only want to satisfy existing needs then what is to transpire when those needs are satisfied? There will be nothing left, the crowds will stop coming, the pubs will stop taking bands and bands will cease to exist. In order to keep things fresh and new we must continue to be innovative, but bands cannot go on without support from people and people must understand that a band does not exist in a bubble. Bands need support and understanding on behalf of the audience; we need to be more open-minded and not so closed in that we can’t see the innovation around us. Trinidad music scene is waiting to happen, and may continue to forever wait unless we the public gets up and support our musical future.

My latest work

I haven't blogged in a while, reason being, I've been very busy musically and so without further ado.

May I present to you, my latest album - 'A Spanner in the works'.

You can have a listen here.

https://soundcloud.com/cescoemmanuel/sets/a-spanner-in-the-works-1

I hope you will like my music and share it around, feel free sign up for my mailing list at www.cescoemmanuelmusic.com. That way you can find out about new music and any shows directly from me, you'll get the scoop before the rest of the world does.

I've been working really hard on finishing this album, it's a culmination of five years of recording and 'stockpiling' for want of a better word, ideas I had for a long while. Some songs are older than that, like 'The Battle Within' is an old Brothers Grimm song, one of the first ones I ever wrote, back in 1992.

'The Illusion of a dream' is a solo acoustic song that I wrote back in 1996, it's being performed in a band format for the first time on this record , so it's good to go back to old material sometimes and see what kind of new feel can be given to it.

It always amazes me how a song takes on a life of its' own. My music can be a bit quirky and unusual at times, but it's totally me and how I write. I guess every musician/singer/songwriter/composer has their own unique way of doing things and it comes out in the songs themselves.

You may hear an influence or two in my songs, and I guess no man (or musician) is an island, we are all a product of our listening environment.

So, my dear friend and listener, I do hope you will like my new album and that would sing up for my mailing list to get all the latest news from me.

Till then, happy listening.

Zeal

How do you keep the zeal going?

How do you keep positive when there's no guarantee?

How do you keep busy, focusing on your dreams?

How do you avoid burnout?

Well, it might help to set-up a timetable, open to revisions of course. Set small, attainable goals, take breaks (short-ones to clear your head). Set a huge goal as well. Something to look forward to.

Revise your goals, talk to friends about your dreams. Talk to other people in the 'industry'.

Get enough rest.

Sleep 8 hours.

Exercise.

Every year, take a vacation away from your work.

Plan for the next year. Do a long, medium and short term plan.

Every day, do a little something for your dream.

And always hope for the best.

Yes, hope for the best.

Yes

It is hard to say 'no' to someone. We're all guilty of that.

But it's harder to say 'yes' to our dreams. It's harder to set time aside to do something for yourself. It's easier to kill out ourselves for someone else.

it's very easy to put off for tomorrow our dreams, it's a trap that can take years to get out of, if ever at all.

Sometimes we stop doing what we normally do, 'take a break' and next thing you know, decades have gone by and we didn't pick it back up.

Life has a way of filling the void with other things to keep us busy. That's the trap right there.

It's ok to say 'no' to something we don't want to do, as long as it means that we're saying 'yes' to ourselves and our goals and dreams.

Here's a new goal - saying 'Yes' to you.

xerophytic - able to withstand drought

This of course, was the hardest letter to write for, that is until I found a new word.

Right now, Trinidad is in a drought, California is in drought, many parts of the world are without water.

Water.

Such an essential element that we all need.

There's all sort of the doomsday predictions about global warming, climate change and our loss of water.

It's enough to make anyone scream and faint.

But I believe we can turn things around. If we work really hard at it.

I believe in our ability to solve our own mess, we created it, there must be a way to solve it.

I believe.

I hope.

I believe in conservation, in recycling, in reducing our waste and our carbon footprint.

I believe in being a responsible citizen of the world.

We just need to be a little considerate and not waste water as if we have it in abundance.

That's a first step, and a rather huge step if you think about it.

Conserve and preserve.