Don't believe that inner voice

I have this voice in my head.

It says to me many things about my guitar playing like - 'why even bother to try, you'll never get better at playing guitar, you'll never master the harder techniques, you'll never be a faster guitar player, you're just not cut out to be great, you're mediocre at best, you suck.'

Where love is concerned this voice tells me - 'you know YOU have a lot of issues to deal with so best to stay single, you'll never find someone, you will be single the rest of your life, the kind of person you're looking for doesn't exist.'

Regarding my career, this voice in my head says - 'You'll never get anywhere, your music is too weird, only a handful of friends say they 'like' your music, you're wasting your time, best to quit and get a regular job.'

I hear this voice all the time, the voice of fear and doom, of safety and comfort.

And you know what? I'm starting to ignore this voice, and continue on in every area, even if I'm lying to myself to get through.

And you know what else?

By Jove it's working. Small improvements are clearing the pollution in my head.

I'm now seeing it, the voice has been lying all along and I'm finding out the real truth.

Never give up.

No matter what.

Champions League 6/6/2015 - Juve vs Barca

It's their second Treble, no other European team in history has ever won two Trebles. For Barca, they've won La Liga, the Copa del Rey and now the Champions League all in one year - AGAIN! First in 2009 with Pep Guardiola and now in 2015 with Luis Enrique. Both former Barca players from the same era, both friends.

Not only was this final special as it had my two favourite teams (although I'm a bit more partial to Barca but I am a huge fan of Andrea Pirlo and Juve) but also because both teams were on a domestic Double looking for their own European Treble.

It was historic for both teams, both first time managers at each club - Massimiliano Allegri and Luis Enrique. Both seem like really decent guys who know a lot about football. I was ecstatic that Juve had ousted Real Madrid (although a Clasico final would've been magnificent but only if Barca had routed Real in the end), and I was overjoyed that Barca had beat Bayern to get to the final.

Now the final itself came and started, and Barca took the lead after four minutes, and then the match exploded with pace, from one end of the pitch to the other. Both teams playing attacking football. Oh, it was beautiful, absolutely mesmerizing.

I hate defensive football where sides 'park the bus' (a few EPL teams will come to mind here), and this was not that at all.

This was full-on war. Fire, speed and guts. Ebb and Flow. At certain points in the first half I thought Barca would have three more goals, but Gigi Buffon did a great job saving his team. In the second half I thought Juve were the better side for well over 15 minutes, they played with so much gusto. After they equalized in the 55th minute with Morata's goal, I thought they were going for the jugular and they did, but no luck.

Luck however swung back Barca's way with Leo Messi and Luis Suarez getting the winning goal in the 68th minute. Messi is a magician and Suarez is a fighter who seizes opportunity, a real asset to the team this season. Neymar sealed the deal in the 97th minute and then it was smiles and jubilation for Barca and tears for Juve.

I was really happy for Barca but I was also sad for Juve. But I guess both teams can't win.

It was well fought final, one with top class performances on display. I remember my disappointment when Dortmund ran out of steam against Bayern in 2013, and I recall my disbelief when Atletico choked in last year's final against their wealthier rivals Real, it was heartbreaking for them seeing as there were only two minutes left in injury time, but it wasn't a well played final, it looked sloppy at best.

But not this year. This year's final between two great teams - Juve and Barca, was just absolutely brilliant.

Barca was the better team, the stronger team with an unstoppable front three in Messi, Suarez and Neymar. Their midfield dictated the game and their defenses held, as they did so many other times this season.

Juve were strong and fast, but Barca held on, and were better in the end when it counted.

This was a great final.

One that I will remember for years to come.

Thanks guys.

Tapes

Every weekend I go through various sections of the house to see what we are keeping and what we're throwing out. I just try to do a few hours at a time. How do you decide what to get rid of after living in a house since 1966?

Well, I wasn't alive in '66 but my mom was. In light of the fact that we sold our house and we're supposed to be out of here in July, we have the gargantuan task of evaluating and downsizing our personal possessions.

It's amazing the stuff you accumulate over a lifetime, stuff you forget and shove in a cupboard for 'safe-keeping'.

This evening, I went through cassette tapes. I've tossed out hundreds, but not before ensuring that I have those songs on mp3 format (now all in my iTunes folder), or that I will buy that music later on (I hate downloading for free, I just can't do that to another musician), there's also so many songs or artists that I only liked for a time but haven't listened to in years.

But when I think about all those tapes, spanning from the early 1980's to late 1990's, I must of spent hundreds of hours making my own mix tapes.

It was time well spent listening to music.

That music shaped my life.

25 days after the A - Z challenge

The A - Z challenge is over, since May 1st and I've only now gotten a chance to blog.

I had an entire routine everyday for a month, and when it was over I felt a bit out of whack, but I quickly filled the time with practicing guitar more.

I've been writing recently for a couple publications, music related stuff which has been fun and challenging.

Writing has become cathartic for me, it helps me clear my head, and once I put things on paper or on the screen as the case maybe I'm able to move onto something else.

I will make an earnest effort to be back here more often.

Thank you blogging challenge.

I can't wait for 2016.

Zan - the final post for the A to Z Challenge

So it's a made-up word.

It was 1990, the height of Warhead's short career, Corey Wallace had made up this word - 'Zan'. Out of nowhere.

It really stood for anything, and we started using it in sentences - it was a noun, verb, adverb, pronoun, present participle, you name it.

Zan was it. A versatile word that fit every occasion.

And best of all, it was all ours.

Only we knew what it meant. It was code. Our code.

Andrew Moffat, Nick Nathaniel, Mark Dopson, Corey Wallace and myself - Cesco Emmanuel.

We were so young and naive, with no clue what life held in store, but we were playing heavy music, sometimes we loved it, sometimes we hated it. We were seeing other parts of the country. We played in some really messed up hell holes, hardly any money, terrible sound, one occasion I got electrocuted while performing.

But hey, we had fun didn't we?

Yes indeed, we zanned it.

Those were the days.

I hope to never forget those great, young, innocent 'Warhead' times.

Yawning, Yapping and You

You know Trinis are a special breed of people that love to tell you about yourself, even when it's not their place. Even when it's not true.

Like the time when I lost weight, everyone had to tell me 'Hey you not looking good you know, you looking too skinny, are you sick?'

Trinis have no cover for their mouth and they don't really care.

Sometimes when I'm out, I yawn and almost every time without fail, I get a comment about how I'm always tired - "oh gosh, yuh just came out, how you yawning already?"

So I try to take it in stride, because if I didn't, I'd be upset and annoyed all the time.

Trinis, if they don't make you stronger, they'll will insult you to death (albeit in a funny way).

And that is just how we're all built here - boldface and blunt, always giving someone 'fatigue', not much in the way of political correctness, and lately it seems that common sense is losing ground here as well.

Trinis - we love to talk, we can spend hours just out on a street corner talking rubbish.

And we always, always tell you how we feel, or what we think of everything, we're all experts here, whether you want to hear it or not, whether it's true or not.

And most sentences start with "You need to do this" or "why don't you try this?"

Trinis love to give unsolicited advice. I get it all the time from my 'friends'.

But most of the time, what I would like to say is "Why don't you mind your own damn business?"

Xanadu by RUSH

It started with guitar lines that faded in an out, whether Alex used a volume pedal or just turned his volume knob on and off on his guitar to make those notes swell and die quickly, I'm not sure.

It was haunting, sad at first, but it had this epic, nostalgia feel to it, you could tell something big was about to happen. The first few notes caught my ear and I was forever hooked on that song.

Then it built, slowly and softly till the entire band came in all at once, like an outburst of sound, Alex repeating this simple motif high up on the fretboard but it was so powerful. It just exploded out of nowhere.

Then there was a quiet lull, as if waiting for time to cease.

Soon Peart rolled in with this crazy drum arrangement and the bass line was just truly infectious, the song just grooved along, it almost felt like an instrumental.

The chords and melody line that followed in the verse had me lapping it all up like a starving dog.

By the time the end guitar solo came in I was confused and lost as to what part of the song I loved more.

It would remain one of my favourite RUSH songs of all time.

For their 30th anniversary tour, they played a little part of it and I was in heaven, for those two minutes.

Such a masterpiece, it's a real shame they don't play it more often.

So much great music over a career spanning almost 40 years.

And I liked every era of their music - the early stuff with just guitar, bass and drums; the keyboard era in the 80s, and the early 90s return to their raw sound.

There's just so many great songs to choose from.

One of Canada's greatest bands of all time, and one the most amazing, technically proficient power trios that ever existed.

RUSH - a musicians' band.

My favourite band of all time. A band I saw three times.

I own most of their albums, a few t-shirts, a tour book, two DVDs, and hundreds of songs. I've learnt many of their songs, I've changed my guitar tunings for their earlier songs.

They're a cult band, and they're still going strong, almost 40 years later.

Alex Lifeson, Geddy Lee and Neil Peart.

Three guys that made and still continue to make some amazing music unapologetically.